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Funniest thing I've heard a teacher say...

Journal Entry: Tue Jan 24, 2012, 3:27 PM


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"You're capable of a better result than that"



"You almost had me there for a second!"


Funniest (or unintentionally funniest) thing you've ever heard a teacher say? :la:

  • Mood: Humor
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:iconxhelyx:
XhelyX Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2013  Student Artist
Hm...i myself don't consider that funny but my classmates did... Well one of my classmates were arguing with teacher and asked her in a rude way what to do and teacher went... go to g-g-g-google... and they started laughing... and called her g-g-g-google lady
Reply
:iconmmanners:
MMAnners Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Student
"If someone jumps on my tramp and hurts themselves, how am I to blame?" AP US teacher's horrible abbreviation of trampoline XD
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:iconchachitonks:
ChachiTonks Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"Don't walk on them, you don't want what's on them."
- The gym teacher telling people off for walking on the wrestling mats, which were about to be cleaned.

"His horse uses conditioner."
- My old AP History teacher talking about a painting of Napoleon.
Reply
:iconanimeanimallover101:
AnimeAnimalLover101 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This isnt teacher related but i was reading some of the storie while eating apples. I forgot to remove the sticker that is usually on fruit and ended up eating part of the sticker -.-
Reply
:iconanimeanimallover101:
AnimeAnimalLover101 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
In grade 8, we had a really good teacher, he was more of our friend than a teacher and he didn't really care about dirty jokes so once while my friend was on her knees, cleaning out her desk, my teacher was like "Practicing for your night job?"

Another time, this one boy was sitting on a chair infront of the teacher's laptop ad he wouldnt get up so the teacher (as a joke) sat on him and was like "I sure hope thats your knee."

Best teacher ever.
Reply
:iconruru-kenny:
Ruru-Kenny Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
For this to make sense, there's a few things that must be known about my school.
We're a private uniform-wearing school.
We occasionally gets jeans-days for special occassions.
Once upon a time we had a blood-drive and everyone donating was allowed to dress-down so that they could wear comfortable clothing while being sick afterwards (most of the girls who donate time and time again feel horrible after giving blood).

So another blood drive was coming up and me /n another girl walked up to the headmaster.
Me: Hey, can blood donaters wear jeans on the day of the blood drive again?
Headmaster(in a most reprimending tone): Yeah, but don't wear that Smurf outfit again, I expect better of you.
Me: D8 *starts to have a meltdown as memory tries to process what he's talking about while feeling terrible about something I hadn't done*
Headmaster: That was a joke.
Me: .....Oh! Ehehehahaha....ha......X_X
Reply
:iconbunnairry:
Bunnairry Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"i hate people," You would have to know my history teacher to laugh about it XD
Reply
:iconpepper-wood:
Pepper-Wood Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
We were discussing Jane Eyre in our class, which my English teacher was obsessed with at the time.
Teacher: "I actually met my wife because she was reading Jane Eyre."
Student: "What would you do if Jane Eyre was real?"
Teacher: "If Jane Eyre is real, I would be cheating on my wife."

I already loved that English class, and after he said that I loved the class even more. XD
Reply
:iconcutetiger40:
Cutetiger40 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
My Art Teacher:
"Your fingers are lumpy!"
"Your nose has flaps." (Something along the lines.)
"Roll the clay into logs."
Yay art~
Reply
:iconcashewkiwi:
Cashewkiwi Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012
Well, once a kid said "sharing is caring", and then my teacher said "That's how you get STDs."
Reply
:iconrobotgirl434:
Robotgirl434 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
A friend and I use "Sharing is caring" as an excuse to steal each other's lunches. :P
Reply
:iconvampirekiraphoenix:
VampireKiraPhoenix Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2012  Student
Lol we don't use excuses, we steal each other's lunches all the time without any of us caring xD
Reply
:iconrobotgirl434:
Robotgirl434 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Normally I would care and get really pissed. xD
Reply
:iconvampirekiraphoenix:
VampireKiraPhoenix Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2012  Student
Hhaha no we don't. They steal my drink? I'll steal their drink. They steal my food? I'll steal their food. We always have food just not always what we brought with us xD
Reply
:iconrobotgirl434:
Robotgirl434 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
LOl xD
Reply
:iconvampirekiraphoenix:
VampireKiraPhoenix Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2012  Student
:D
Reply
:iconcashewkiwi:
Cashewkiwi Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012
Ahaha sounds like something my friends would do. :P
Reply
:iconrobotgirl434:
Robotgirl434 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Sharing is caring! *Steals milk while accidently pouring it on the ground*
Reply
:icondemachic:
Demachic Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:L
Reply
:iconemopinkprincess:
EmoPinkPrincess Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012  Hobbyist
I didnt hear it but i go to a small school.so when a teacher says something funny its told to half the school.
Student: Mr F(not teachers name)
Mr.r: my name is not Mr.f, only when I'm robbing liqour stores, other then that im mr. R

And my mom used to be a teacher and she had a friend who instead of saying a tale of two cities said a tale of two tities.
Reply
:iconcrazii4anime:
Crazii4Anime Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012
And my fifth class teacher used to say "Effin" instead of you-know-what, and when we called him out on it, he showed us the town called Effen xD

And when we first learned the Irish word for "word", we kept giggling for a week because its pronounced "fuck-al"
My teacher used it when we learnt about the repoductive in 5th class too. So he went like, if you are older and want to fuck-al, you need to know a few things...
Reply
:iconcrazii4anime:
Crazii4Anime Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012
When we get a good test result in Geography, Mr. Loughrey makes up go up to the top of the room and yell "I am a LIGEND (legend)!"

And he's constantly yelling at us to surprise us, talking about floaters and relating every "settlement" topic to why families have grown smaller (as in they had AIDS, kids died, had more, repeat).

And my Science teacher, Ms. Vaughen, is currently responsible for 3 students to get into trouble for laughing at our class. How? We're on reproduction and she does a tadpole dance each and every time she says sperm. And screams "WILLIES" at us. And lots of strange this. I love these teachers XD


May not seem funny to you, but when you see a Galway man mock a Limerick accent when talking about AIDS, condoms (non-exsistent in Mali somehow) and if Limerick or Galway is a more dangerous city to live in (dude. Limerick is like a mafia county.)
Reply
:iconelemental-heiress:
elemental-heiress Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012  Student General Artist
My Japanese teacher told us once - 'I wish I could love you guys but for the most part, I really hate you.' :shakefish:
That woman was awesome!
Reply
:iconbreathlesswind:
BreathlessWind Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My history 11 teacher played the Robot Chicken episode of "Lil' Hitler" during our WWII chapter
He was making fun of the accents the entire time and as soon as it ended he stands up and says "That's basically what went down in WWII, desks got stolen, people went missing and Japan destroyed a Mc Donalds. It's pretty awesome." He had a good sense of humour XDD.....he also had a thing for saying things were "awesome" or "freaking awesome" and it rubbed off and quite a few of the other students coughcoughmetoolawl* best class eva
-My bad -MOST AWESOME HISTORY CLASS EVA! >XD I also got him hooked on Hetalia and Humon's "Scandinavia and the World" comics \(>0<\ )
There's this University not too far off from us up on a hill and it's almost always raining up there. He compared it to Ganons Castle XD He also liked making jokes about Mao Zedong and other Chinese Cold War polititions names "Mao(now) we're getting somewhere", threw pencils at the cieling so they'd stick, called the stapler a fascist and the hole-punch a communist and he'd put jokes in our tests like "You're a wizard, Harry."
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:iconjennaflyte:
JennaFlyte Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012
1. "On top of the candy shop is where he hides the bodies." - Mr. Pendley
2. "Time does not exist-" "Does that mean we can be 'late' to class and never be counted late because time doesn't exist?" "No." - Mr. Pendley
3. "Your assignment this weekend is to tell someone, 'The white rose loves you,' with a straight face." - Mr. Pendley
4. "Granny revved her chainsaw and charged the zombie horde." - Mr. Pendley
5. "The little girls savagely beat the football players." - Mr. Pendley
6. "Frodo gave the happy elves a machete." - Mr. Pendley
7. "I'll tell you how it ends (refering to Sir Gawain and the Green Knight), Gawain reached the Green Knight and pulls out his magic wand, sending bright sparks of silver light towards him, which then sends the Knight spiraling into the air and into a different dimension." "...Really?" "No." - Mr. Pendley

Mr. Pendley, my current Pre-AP English II teacher is hilarious. This is a snippet of a song Mr. Pendley had in his dream. 4-6 were sentence diagrams we had to write for his class, and 7 he said with a completely straight face.

He must be a king at Poker.
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:iconshedevil362:
Shedevil362 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
There's alot of things, but, I'll just list the two I remember the most..

In History, There was going to be a presentation, but, the teacher, Mr. D, couldn't get the speakers to work properly, and asked if anyone wanted to see if they could fix them, and My friend, offered to do so.. And it went like this..

Friend moves the cord over slightly, and the speakers start working
Mr D: " You have magic hands. "
I giggled, and I swear, We saw him blush.

And, My Home EC teacher is really entertaining with the way she says things. Especially during Kitchen Safety, which she said, while talking about how to hold the knife, " Stab your friends, Not yourself. " Its a weird class, but, its enjoyable.
Reply
:icondanceydancetime:
danceydancetime Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ha! The funniest thing I've ever heard a teacher of mine say is, "Mother trucker." He said it so fast that it sounded like Mother...You know.
Reply
:iconvargaschild:
VargasChild Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My German teacher is of course, teaching us German, and the words are "Welche Facher" (I think there's an umlaut, but that's not the point).
The kid says "Welka f*cker."
So she replies, no, we're not saying "Welka f*cker, we're saying "Welche Facher"
She's pretty chill BD
Reply
:iconsootness:
Sootness Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012
I had a lady teacher who liked to count up things she said using her fingers. She would hold her left hand closed with the back of her hand facing us, then raise on finger for every thing she said, touching that finger with the right hand index finger for emphasis.
She would start with the thumb, then the index finger and then middle finger, and every time it took a while for her to talk about what ever she was talking about that happend to come as item #3 on the list, the thumb and the index finger would slowly go back into her closed fist which mean that sometimes she were giving us the finger for quite some time XD

And she wondered why we laughed :giggle:

If I remember correctly someone told her what she was doing and she stopped.
Reply
:iconmiontre:
miontre Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
When the class is talking and not concentrating on work, and the teacher is just like, "I can wait." :lmao:
Reply
:iconthedrawingspirit:
TheDrawingSpirit Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Student General Artist
my woodwork teacher is brilliant we asked him today whether if asked, would get naked for someone for 1000 pounds.
he said he'd do it for fifty.

strangely funny yet..... disturbing
Reply
:iconemergencydecoy:
EmergencyDecoy Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Student Writer
Sex party. :) My science teacher is the best!!
Reply
:iconchococoatedlemons:
ChocoCoatedLemons Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012
My Pyschology teacher is insane XDD He just tells these really inappropriate jokes ALL the time.

"Did you ever hear about the woman who went to her doctor because everytime she sneezed, she had an orgasm?"

"Nope - what happened?"

"He asked if she was taking anything for it. She said "Pepper" "

We were just like. GOD.
Reply
:iconhobocorner:
hobocorner Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"Don't talk about me behind my back in front of my face!"
My biology teacher is so hilarious xD
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:iconfrandom:
frandom Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Our RE teacher is a legend. There are so many thing...
The other day he said he has fantasy's where he would just go mental and kill us all. Which, you know, wasn't too bad. I mean, he was Jesus the week before, according to him.
Reply
:icongothfoxx:
gothfoxx Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012
"If you love something let it go and if it doesn't come back hunt it down and kill it!"~ Mr. Chastine

goodness I miss him(I graduated).
Reply
:iconrockinrobot:
RockinRobot Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
My art teacher, teaching us how to make a sketchbook. Told us to fold some paper like a hotdog and then cut a whole in the other group of paper.
"Now you put the hotdog in the hole.."
Me and classmates: :iconomglolplz:
Reply
:iconrockinrobot:
RockinRobot Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Also, my english teacher calls us dinglenuts. xD
And my french teacher calls us sadists.
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:iconcatcat222:
Catcat222 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
English lesson, studying some poetry. Teacher says "Swagger, like that song? Moves like swagger?!" and starts "swaggering" up and down the classroom xD
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:iconcakeyplease:
CakeyPlease Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
My English teacher, who is a really, really uptight lady, looked at some kid doing a presentation and said, "I can't hear you, I'm old!"
It cracked the ENTIRE classs up.
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:iconsislord:
sislord Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
-peter here is your exam
.thanks
-whats wrong whit you?
-eh?
-you didnt pass, you used to have great notes. what happend?
-well... I had a girlfriend now and...
-well break up with her
-what?
-believe me, I know what Im saying
- O_O
:icontruestoryplz:
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:iconminorityme:
minorityme Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
One of my teachers looks like the trollface when he grins. thats kinda funny, cause he's trollin' a lot :'D
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:iconnin-wolf:
Nin-Wolf Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Student General Artist
not really something they said, but its still a little funny.
In our school's computer room, there is a box that switches the electricity off and on. Its been glitchy and strange for a long time.
The teachers always try to switch the buttons, but it didn't work.
Then there were this guy who hit the box. It worked. Since then, the teachers did the same if the box didn't obey them.
Reply
:iconpuddingvalkyrie:
PuddingValkyrie Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm mad at myself that I don't remember anything funny! ;_;
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:iconpuddingvalkyrie:
PuddingValkyrie Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh oh, wait I've got one!

Actually both my Japanese teacher and my TESOL teacher were awesome...

My Japanese teacher was asking us all what we wanted to be when we were kids, and what we wanted to be now. My friend wanted to be a paleontologist. When it came to discussing what we'd said after, she called it a 'dinosaurtologist'. We were all like 'that should be the real word!'

She was awesome, she used to give us random advice based on scientific studies and stuff.

And my TESOL lecturer said he was detemined to fit the word 'wheelbarrow' into every lesson possible XD
Reply
:iconbangpup:
Bangpup Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Student Digital Artist
"Do you think you're the GURU or something?" hehe Nelly idk if you've ever had her but she says the most ridiculous things
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:iconyuukikatrarra:
yuukikatrarra Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012
that happened to me yesterday

my teacher swear sometimes
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:iconrosewolf12:
Rosewolf12 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012
"What's wrong with G-Rated porn?"
-An old English teacher
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:iconroxmarie:
roxmarie Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh I would be able to make a book with this, but at the moment I can just remember one of my teachers talking to us about how all the world is controlled by money and the selfish desires of the rich ones in spite of the poor ones, and then he goes and say "I mean, Gadaffi hired Beyonce for his birthday party, guys, can you picture Gaaffi 'all the single ladies, all the single ladies!'" and he kinda did a little bit of the dance pretending to be Gadaffi. I almost wet my pants, we all laughed soooo hard XDDDDDDD
Reply
:iconkakashifan-lol:
Kakashifan-lol Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Student Writer
*teacher watches two kids make out in hallway* "CHOKE! CHOKE! CHOKE ON TONGUE!"
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